Aim

To provide peer support from bereaved parents to other parents who have lost a child of any age by suicide

In 2018, the UK experienced over 6,500 suicides.  One suicide takes place every 80 minutes. Every year many young people feel that they cannot bear to go on living. It is said that 25 people under the age of thirty take their own lives every day in the UK. Most will survive a suicide attempt; a few will not. The death of a child is always shattering, but suicide is a particularly cruel form of death for the surviving family and friends who are often left not knowing why. Even if a note has been found which attempts to explain this drastic action, many people feel guilt and regularly go over what could have been done to prevent the tragedy.

For families of children who have died from suicide, there may be the additional stress of coping with the police, post-mortem, inquest, media and reactions of others. Unfortunately, suicide is still viewed unsympathetically by people who may make thoughtless and wounding comments about the selfishness of taking one’s own life.

Sadly numbers of suicides amongst young people continue grow but many bereaved parents have found help, support and comfort from knowing that others are able to share their unique pain and grief. There can be relief in knowing that others understand immediately 'how it feels' and feelings of isolation, guilt and stigma are shared and lessened.

The Compassionate Friends (TCF) holds a group for parents bereaved by suicide in London, Bristol, Cambridge and Glasgow. These support groups are currently being held online.  They provide a safe space to share in confidence our innermost thoughts and to support each other through our grief. When lockdown allows, we also try to meet informally at ‘bring and share’ lunches and other social events during the year. 

There is a private Facebook group for parents bereaved by suicide where we can talk to each other online, find support and feel listened to. We share photographs, commemorate birthdays, anniversaries, other difficult dates (Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day, Christmas, New Year, the holiday seasons) and also explore many other areas of grief.

The TCF Helpline, open 365 days a year, enables bereaved parents to speak to other bereaved parents.

A weekend retreat is planned for parents bereaved by suicide in June 2021 in Birmingham.  In the meantime, due to the cancelation of this year's weekend retreat, we are running some online specialist support groups for bereaved parents bereaved by suicide.

A bereaved mother who attended a recent online meeting for bereavement by suicide, which replaced this year’s weekend retreat, gave the following feedback: 

 'A lovely, warm, embracing online meeting with people who speak our native language: grief.  I have felt so safe and supported.  I have found new ways of expression.  The online meeting addressed an important need during an emotional period.  I have been unable to visit my child’s grave during lockdown. This was my first online meeting for parents bereaved by suicide, and it won't be my last.  Thank you.'

Our leaflet, After Suicide, covers in greater detail important areas relating to bereavement by suicide. Our leaflet Coping with Judgemental Attitudes may also be helpful.

The TCF postal library has many books on bereavement and suicide and these can be posted to bereaved parents.

By supporting those bereaved from the death of a child, the benefit to society is the enabling of the bereaved to feel part of the wider community again.  Bereaved parents suffer multiple trauma.  Their world changes overnight. Many experience isolation due to the loss of family and friends; the loss of financial security if one or both parents cannot work for a period; the loss of a close relationship with a partner or spouse. It can feel like multiple amputation with so much rupture.  Parents bereaved by suicide, in addition, struggle with the stigma surrounding death by suicide.

This project successfully funded on 16th December 2020